big napper
23, they/she, bi-alterous or something, disabled, neurology/psych student, wannabe creator and discoverer
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Posts tagged negative:
just thought i'd say that racer passed away. thank you all for the asks you sent. i'll try to get back to them soon. ♥
life is hard. at least my mood is doing better so far today.
naiad asked:have you tried medication? My depression was pretty horrific and finding the right meds helped a lot. We recently moved and I've had to stop taking them and I can feel things getting bad again :/ And my brother in law said his didn't get better at all until he started taking meds either. I don't want to sound invasive but I know depression sucks so if that's something you haven't treid it might help?
oh, yeah, i'm on meds, and they have helped a lot. i guess i could try for better ones, but i'm kind of scared to risk it, knowing that i might end up how i was in the past. i think my depression is just getting worse because i'm stuck inside a lot due to the virus, which might last for a while, so i'll probably have to do something about it eventually lol.
i don't know your situation, but i hope things improve for you, too! like you're able to take your meds again or something.
therapy talk.
so i've seen a therapist a few times, and we talked a lot about my emotional responses and some other things, like my reliance on other people.
this past friday, we talked about my depression because it's apparently been getting worse after the schools went online, and i've been in the house more. she asked me some questions about how it felt, so i told her that and how i often can't do anything but lie on the floor. she ended up saying that, although it's gotten a lot better, my depression still seems bad and has catatonic qualities to it (something i've always had a hard time understanding becasue catatonia seems like such a broad concept with many possible symptoms i definitely don't have).
i'm feeling better (than before) as of now. i can actually talk and process words in my head instead of... not talking and giving one-word responses to most things.
it's hard to imagine this ever going away or at least lifting. ugh.
depressed. head empty.
this quarantine is horrible for my mental health.
the depression is about to set in again. i can feel it.
i have a really hard time doing things out on my own, making decisions on my own, doing homework on my own, responding to people without the help and input of my partner, etc. it's hard to live like this. i hate having to depend on him. maybe when i see my new therapist, she can help me change. i'm just scared of not doing things right when i do them myself.
anyway, i might be able to see a therapist again when insurance gets worked out. problem is i'm very scared of opening up to people because they might judge me if they know too much about me. the world is a scary place.
vent #2
i might get in bed and play pokemon sword. in other words, i'm probably going to end up taking another depression nap.
short vent
i'm so depressed now and don't know what to do with myself. maybe i'll go back and lie in bed for another few hours.
I have a take-home exam that i'm too exhausted to do, and I need to finish it... hopefully tonight. and then I need to prepare for the next exam on Monday. Ugh. Plus all this triggering family stuff is going on.
i'm so behind on my classes, or that's how it feels. thanks, narcolepsy, for making me fall asleep when i have any motivation to get work done.
crisis after crisis about what i want to do with my life.
i don’t know how i’m ever going to be a Real adult with cluster C traits making me at least feel 100% unable to do basic things on my own. that and i’ve been avoiding people so much lately. the only reason i’ve made it this far is because people have taken care of so many basic things for me.
my partner is starting school two whole weeks before i am. i'm not sure how i'm going to get anything done while he's gone because i'm super reliant on him (probably in a bad way) and need his reassurance to do a lot of things. so, probably, i'll end up sitting at home being depressed, sleeping, and refreshing things like waterfall, which isn't much different from what i normally do, but i'll probably do it to a higher extreme.
i want to make an account on Bumble or something to try to make nearby friends, but i know that, as soon as someone talks to me, my AvPD traits + social anxiety will just make me uninstall the app.
i kind of want to post something, but depression makes my head so blank and full of nothing.
what should i do today?
