mental-health-related stuff below.
edit: i even had my anxiety meds, and now i'm just going back and forth between decently calm and overwhelmed.
cw: mental health
a "little" update
i noticed that i haven't posted much on here recently. i suppose i'll type out a little update. warning: this is ending up negative.
things are definitely getting harder the longer we have to stay inside. apparently that three-year period of time when i left the house once or twice a month didn't get my used to it. it's hard to tell if i'll personally be able to adapt, but ah, oh well i guess.
so my mental health has been worse, particularly the depression. i've been trying to keep up with doing stuff like watching shows, reading things, and playing games, but it's honestly been really hard to get myself off the floor, a place where i spend much of my time lying down miserably.
i've also been isolating big-time, but i guess i've been doing that for years now, due to depressive and avoidant symptoms. and once you've been avoiding people for years, it's really hard to get back into talking to them anyway. i've been trying, telling myself that maybe they don't hate me because they're inviting me back, but it's hard. i don't know what to think. i don't want to make the assumption that they want to talk to me.
social media does help me feel a little more connected to others, though!
on the bright side, i guess i'm getting my medications (slowly) changed, and i'm going to therapy again.
oh, and i'm not sure if i've said this, but my partner and i are fostering kittens! it does help with my mental state for multiple reasons, including the fact that we have to have a schedule related to taking care of them. for example, they have to be fed four times in 24 hours.
anyway, i might post more later. i didn't expect this to be about my mental health, but i guess i'll post it anyway? how are you guys doing?
the past week has been really hard. i'm not sure how i'm going to make it through, but i'll try.
napi finished the summer semester!!!!
nap
i finished the semester and i feel just as bad as i did before finishing the semester lol.
just thought i'd say that racer passed away. thank you all for the asks you sent. i'll try to get back to them soon. ♥
naiad asked:have you tried medication? My depression was pretty horrific and finding the right meds helped a lot. We recently moved and I've had to stop taking them and I can feel things getting bad again :/ And my brother in law said his didn't get better at all until he started taking meds either. I don't want to sound invasive but I know depression sucks so if that's something you haven't treid it might help?
oh, yeah, i'm on meds, and they have helped a lot. i guess i could try for better ones, but i'm kind of scared to risk it, knowing that i might end up how i was in the past. i think my depression is just getting worse because i'm stuck inside a lot due to the virus, which might last for a while, so i'll probably have to do something about it eventually lol.
i don't know your situation, but i hope things improve for you, too! like you're able to take your meds again or something.
therapy talk.
so i've seen a therapist a few times, and we talked a lot about my emotional responses and some other things, like my reliance on other people.
this past friday, we talked about my depression because it's apparently been getting worse after the schools went online, and i've been in the house more. she asked me some questions about how it felt, so i told her that and how i often can't do anything but lie on the floor. she ended up saying that, although it's gotten a lot better, my depression still seems bad and has catatonic qualities to it (something i've always had a hard time understanding becasue catatonia seems like such a broad concept with many possible symptoms i definitely don't have).
i'm feeling better (than before) as of now. i can actually talk and process words in my head instead of... not talking and giving one-word responses to most things.
it's hard to imagine this ever going away or at least lifting. ugh.
i have a really hard time doing things out on my own, making decisions on my own, doing homework on my own, responding to people without the help and input of my partner, etc. it's hard to live like this. i hate having to depend on him. maybe when i see my new therapist, she can help me change. i'm just scared of not doing things right when i do them myself.
anyway, i might be able to see a therapist again when insurance gets worked out. problem is i'm very scared of opening up to people because they might judge me if they know too much about me. the world is a scary place.
vent #2
i might get in bed and play pokemon sword. in other words, i'm probably going to end up taking another depression nap.
short vent
i'm so depressed now and don't know what to do with myself. maybe i'll go back and lie in bed for another few hours.
I have a take-home exam that i'm too exhausted to do, and I need to finish it... hopefully tonight. and then I need to prepare for the next exam on Monday. Ugh. Plus all this triggering family stuff is going on.
i'm so behind on my classes, or that's how it feels. thanks, narcolepsy, for making me fall asleep when i have any motivation to get work done.